| Life is one big drama scene....except scene is never called in this situation |
[Dec. 18th, 2004|11:18 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sore | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the reflex-Duran Duran | ] |
So much drama all the time in my life. Will it ever fucking stop?? I live it with it at home,at school,and even on the internet with a guy I've never even met.God hates me.The world hates me.I wish people would just get over themselves and move on.They need to realize that things aren't ever going to be the same and they need to be ok with that.I'm done!
Went to Diana's surprise/chrstmas party last night. Saw some hott people such as Danille,Samantha,Diana,Randy,Kelly S.,Katie D.,Casey,Shaun,and Joe.There was more people but that's all I really hung out with.Got 2 awesome 80's cd's from the lovely Diana. Thank you hun,they are amazing.
I don't really plan on doing anything today so if any of you wanna hang out just call me.Hmmm,I wonder if it's cold outside. I went to bed rather late last night,I couldn't really sleep,I had alot on my mind.I'm confused about some stuff.I hate it when I can't figure things out. |
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| maybe your moms face is in a band |
[Dec. 17th, 2004|01:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | craddle of filth | ] |
So I spent the night at Dani's house last night. We just hung out and talked a little to some people. We will be going to crystal's party later,and doing some more hanging out there.Life is pretty much a drag but I'll get over it.
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. amberpoo
2. Wednesday
3. pumpkin?
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My Style
2. my hair
3. my ablity to be a good listenier
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My looks
2. The way I keep certain stuff in
3. my bad habits
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1.being alone
2.people crawling after me
3.walking around in the dark
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1.My toothbrush
2.eye liner
3. hair starightiner
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Jeans
2.My hoodie (of course)
3.studded belt
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1." I'm a fake"-the used
2."Who am I"-casting crowns
3."def.gravity"-wicked
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1.trust
2.closeness
3.being comfortable around eachother
THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1.style
2.likeing the same stuff I do
3.being up for ANYTHING
E THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1.to live with someone else
2.dye my hair black
3.to tell a friend how I really feel about them (scared bout that)
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1.to be truley happy
2.find someone that I love and that will love me back
3.to be in a band!!! drummers rock!
I hope to see everyone tonight.Danille your amazing,Martelle glad we got certain things cleared up. Diana your awesome-ly pretty. |
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| Is it becoming a problem? |
[Dec. 14th, 2004|02:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | vermillion-Slipknot | ] |
So my exams today weren't that bad. I had drama and sign language.I have a feeling I passed both of them.Tomorrow is the day I am worried about,I got ecology and geometry and then thursday I have drama again and english.It's not as bad as last year's exams were,thank God.
I was a having a pretty good day today until some people kinda lowered my self-esteem. Alot of people asked why I wasn't "pretty" today,or why I am I back to my old self.Sorry guys but this is what I feel comfortable in and this is what I like. I now know that people really don't like the way I am. I'm not changing for anyone. Then a certain someone had to come in crying because she likes to get attention for stupid reasons. Sorry but what she was crying over... there was no need to be crying over. I hate people like that,that's why I try my best not to ever cry.I cry over stupid things but not in public where I get all that attention for it,not many people can say that they have seen me cry and I'm not about to let my guard down.
I ate today and I feel gross for doing so *barf*.
I am so tired today,and ubber cold. Tomorrow is supposed to be even colder.brrr,I like cold weather but only when I have my hot new hodie which I don't get until December 25th a.k.a Christmas.
So there's this guy who is asking me to do "stuff" with him and it's really grossing me out.I hate horny guys. |
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| faking it,is always a good thing |
[Dec. 13th, 2004|02:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bouncy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | wicked | ] |
Spence gave me a makeover today. I must say that NO ONE knew who I was.It was rather werid having everyone fuss over me but then again I kinda liked it.Mrs.McCall had me "model" in front of her class,I felt uncomfortable the whole day but I'm always up for something new.
I might be going to the chorus concert tonight. w00t.
Dear Person,
So you are bothering the hell out of my friend.I hate it how when we are in a group of people you won't even notice that she is there. That even pisses me off and it's such a wrong thing to do.I think you should look at the little signs this person gives you and stop thinking if you look cool or not.You've been hurting her for awhile now.
Love,
Amber
Ok got that off my chest.Now I am gonna next door ans show off the "new me" except not. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 12th, 2004|12:04 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Went to districts today,but I had to leave at 5:30 so can anyone tell me what everyone scored? It was fun but lots of running around.
Then after districts I had to go to Hube's house and babysit. I just got back about 15 min.ago.Nice house but I couldn't stay awake.
Dani I miss you,I hope I still get to see you tomorrow my mom said we could "study".Diana thanks for those encourging(sp?) words but it still doesn't help. |
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| just another worthless day |
[Dec. 10th, 2004|04:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | I'm a fake-The Used | ] |
So my mom comes today...I'm not excited but ok about it. We don't get along alot but at least she keeps things normal around here and doesn't let me dad drink and do drugs like he has been doing while she's been gone. It's very hard living with a person such as him. I'm not out of my sad funk thingy though. Ican't seem to make myself happy. I feel bad for anyone else whom I bring down for hanging out around me.
Randy and Ryan stopped by house today. I made be really happy to see them both. I love Ryan he's awesome and Randy....well hun your just amazing!We sat there and on my porch and just talked. I'm gonna miss Ryan when he goes away,and I know Katie will as well.
The districts shirt hurt my head. I had a headache all day long because of the brightness thses shrits let off. wtf? why are the shirts that bright? I got a chance to Ms.Taylor,wasn't really able to talk to her though but at least I got her hug and that's what matters. Everyone told me that Ashley was there but I swear I didn't see her.That makes me sad because I miss her Oh so much!!! I hope I get to see you soon!!!
Dani I missed you today,I hope you had fun. Along with all the other chorus people that went. I Missed you!Ok I'm gonna go |
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| I feel like I'm my own sister's mother |
[Dec. 7th, 2004|09:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
I just got out of the shower and I feel alot better. I called one of friends tonight and we had a "talk". It really opened up my eyes a little,I mean Sue tells me all the time that she doesn't know what she would do if I wasn't "here" today on this earth,meaning if I were to kill myself right now,she would not know what to do and I always just sorta rubbed it off because that's such a mother thing to say to me and being I look at her as my mother I never made a big deal out of it...but when it comes from a true friend,your age,that she wouldn't know what to do if I ever did that than you know that she means it.I really want you to know that you mean alot to me and your amazing,I don't WANT you to worry about me but I know it's a natural thing.Thank you so much for putting with me.
So I feel like a mom to my sister's,I came home today after dress rehearsal and got on the computer for like 5 min. then my dad is all like "come on Amber lets go and get food" when my sister's could have went with him,So we get home,I eat,then I find out that I gotta empty the dish washer and do laundry. I was not about to do that when I still have school work and I'm tired from school and drama.So I looked to my little sister and told her that she will be doing one of my chores because I am the one really doing her project for her,so she did.I made sure that Brittany did her dishes and Tiffany got in the shower and then brittany after her. During all that I called Danielle,it made me love her more.My dad is drinking...now that my mom is gone because he's not allowed to when my mom is here.I have a feeling that this week is going to be really hard,I've already done something hurtful to myself and I told Sam about it and I'm glad that I did.I felt like she needed to know.
Man o man I have a damn busy week ahead of me and all I wanna do is catch up on my sleep and dream all through the week. That seems right..... |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2004|09:35 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | wicked | ] |
Damn I hate getting up early.So my hair looks like a shit. I Had it curly then I put it up in this high bun on top of my head and thenI fell asleep and the results are like woah.....I think I'm gonna keep like this.heck yes.
So I have come to the conclusion that I am not a healthy person. I don't eat right.My eating habits are really rather werid,I don't sleep much at all,and I tend to put myself under ALOT of stress.I'm gonna die when I hit 30 and i gotta say I'm not scared.whatev.
I went to the mall yesteray with Laura and her bro chris. We had fun we walked around and tryed to find a place that wold pierce his ear.I saw Maddie up at Hot Topic and them as we were in there Nate...yes Nasty Nate scared the shit out of me by coming up behind me and feeling up my sides.I then saw one my guy friends who lives in my hood.
Well I better go,if anyone wants to hang out please call because I hate being locked up in my room! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 4th, 2004|11:29 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  okay | ] |
So I just changed my journal back ground(thanks to laura),I love it and I was so excited!
I did my hair curly today but I don't really like it.It didn't turn out right.My mom is going shopping and won't take me with her so if any of you wanna hang out call me.I think me and Laura might spend some time together she's been grounded for like forever. Danielle if you wanna hang out just call me or laura.I'm just trying to get out of my house because I hate it here.Which reminds me thanks to all of you who have been giving me awesome advice for my last couple of entrys.Kelly your amazing!*slaps butt*and Martelle you can come down here when ever you need to and Laura your awesome! James if your reading this thanks for everything.I know that you know what I'm going through.Thanks for sharing everything!
Well christmas is coming soon and I'm really excited.I think I'm more excited that the break is coming up but that also means exams.*biff* I need to study! |
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| ATTENTION: Katie likes to kick people. |
[Nov. 30th, 2004|04:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | take it away-The Used | ] |
....yes,it's true today at rehearsal Katie kicked(not on purpose...I hope)me like 8 times. We just laughed about though and it was kinda funny but it was one of those things where you had to be there and it had to happen to you.
So I was rather pissed off today,some people know why. I know that I go on and on about my father but yesterday was the last straw. I heard him talking on the phone,really quite and sweet. So I walked into my living room and muted the t.v(he was in the computer room)at this time my mom was at work and didn't get off till 7. I heard him say that he was driving in this person's neighborhood and wanted to come and see her and that he missed and loved this person. He asked her not to go home so he still talk to her. It really pissed me off.One of the reason's we even moved up here was because he did that shit to my mom about 2 yrs ago.I don't get along wih my mom but I don't ever want her to go through that again! I hate guys that cheat on their wife.If she finds out this time chances are they are going to get a divorce and I won't be living here any longer because we wouldn't be able to pay the bills.I'd probably move to Jacksonville with a grandmother that I hate. *roar* life really sucks right now!!!!!!
Dani burnt me a copy of the new Used cd. I love them they are awesome like woah!I also got this really pretty poem and I like it alot. Tankie Dani!Rehearsal went ok today,I really just hung around Katie because she's amazing and I talked to Martelle for a little bit as well.Ok,I'm gonna go.Bye. |
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| "I will put down my life for you" |
[Nov. 28th, 2004|07:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Missing her | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | underdog-Audio Adrenaline | ] |
I just got off the phone with Danielle and I feel ALOT better,I guess I just needed to have my little girl,emo time and talk with someone. I know it sounds stupid but I miss Sue so much. She's such an amazing person and she loves me so much. Sue is one of the few people that actually treat me right and actually show that she loves me. My mom never hugs me or tells me I'm beautiful but Sue does and she makes me feel awesome,tis why it is so hard to leave her.I had to fight some tears walking in my house today.I am came and tryed to keep my mind of her but around 7 it all came flooding back and that's when I had to talk to someone.So here is how my weekend went.....
Friday:
We drove down to Oralndo at like 5:45 and got there around 8am. I hung out at my great grandmother's house for a little bit then I went and saw my grandmother.That's where most of the family got together for like a 2nd Thanksgiving with us because we couldn't be there thursday.Sue picked me up at around 5pm and we back to her house and had a talk. She held me for a very long time and said she missed me alot. We fell asleep around 11.
Saturday:
I woke up and got in the shower,then ate some left overs that she had at her house. I then took another nap that lastest only for about an hour. I woke and I found out that We (me,Sue,Justin and Emily) were gonna go and see Chirstmas with the Kranks it was a pretty cute movie,then we went to dinner and back home to put up her tree. That was fun,we listened to chirstmas music and put stuff around the house. I had fun. Then Justin went over to Emily's house and spent the night there,so me and Sue had the house to ourselves. We stayed up and talked till 1:15am. I had lots to share with her and she had lots of things to help me with.I told her that the feeling to wantcut myself was coming back and we talked about it and she gave me some ways to let out anger or sadness.
Today:
Went to church and saw Claudine and Gerard. The pastor talked about some awesome stuff today and I'm really glad I got to hear it. I didn't get a chance to see Kim and Jay so that made me really sad.Then after church she drove me home and like always we cried. She know I live in a bad house hold and she said she feels like a bad "mother" when she drops me off. She told me she hates when her baby gets hurt. I love how she includes me as one of her own. Her kids are just like my brother's and sister. David and Justin are awesome and Kim is like my best friend and sister and I love it how they look at me as their little sister (their all over 18).I came home and helped my mom wrap girt and then we went ti BIG!lots God,I hate that store. Came home and ate something,jumped in the shower and then called Dani.That's my weekend in detail. I think I should put it in a cut......no,I'm not.Sorry for wasteing LJ space. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 25th, 2004|09:12 pm] |
Well you guys I am leaving tomorrow for Orlando. I should be back on Sunday but if something wonderful happens maybe I'll get to stay another day!I dunno if I'll be able to update so I thought I would let you guys know where I be.
I had an awesome Thanksgiving,I hope you guys had fun. I'll miss you all and I should see you on monday. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2004|05:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Stupify-disturbed | ] |
You guys tell me what you think. I really like it....I wonder how much it is. I know it's used so maybe it won't be too much.
( let there be noise! ) |
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| I'm in last place,if a place at all.... |
[Nov. 24th, 2004|10:01 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bitchy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Boom-P.O.D | ] |
So,why do people hate me so much? Is it because I'm not "in" with the "popular crowd" Oh,and another thing why do certain people never talk to me....wait!I know why,their to busy using somebody else to make other people jealous.Its stuff like this that really piss me off.
I went to church last night with Anna,James and little baby Jorden. The wonderful carrelyn was there as well.We then ate at the Player's Grill last night,their wings and fries aren't that bad.James also gave me some more cd's,Audio Adrenaline.
hshjs dnfkjsdfkj,sorry that was my kitty I let him type on the key board.He's still fluffy and has a pretty grey and white coat.
My hand feels better,I really thought something was wrong with.It sucks falling out of a car....it's not fun at all. When I got up from the fall I was laughing because I felt stupid.Ok,well I'm gonna go I have to go and straighten my hair then off to the make up and then I might be going Anna and James but I doubt it,I think I am gonna hang out with Michelle and Amy and my sister,Unless any of you wanna hang out.Call me |
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